I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
