My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
