david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
