did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
