if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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