Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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