Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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