So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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