Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize