ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
