I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
