I puked a lego.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
