hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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