I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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