i just sent this text using only my big toe
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
