i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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