dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
