I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
