New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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