also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
