she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
