So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
