I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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