I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
