if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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