I could have mohawked her pubes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
