so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
