last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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