Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
