i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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