I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
