So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize