why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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