You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
