mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
