FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
