I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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