just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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