hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
