Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
