The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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