I'm going to jail i love you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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