I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
