why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
