soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize