I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
