Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
