u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
