When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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