Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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