Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize