I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
