I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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