I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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