Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
