Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
