WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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