I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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