your parents love me but you hate me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
