She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When are your genitals available?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
