stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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