so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
