you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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