Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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