I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
