If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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