She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
