We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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